A Little Help from my Friends

Thank you, JM, for validating me and resurrecting my paltry, fragile online ego that had lately been feeling the brunt of rejection from a theatre-type that will remain unnamed despite the fact that no one reads this blog and even if they did, I'm not sure said person would be offended.

Anyway, I've had a lot on my mind during my hiatus away from the blog. Luckily, I Love New York 2 has proved to be an effective opiate for me and has reduced my need to think about life at warp speed, which is normally what I do when I'm being quiet--yes, those 23 minutes a day when I'm quiet.

I really do love New York. There is of course a fakeness to her, enriched recently by mammary enhancements that dwarf my own the way Jupiter dwarfs Io. The thing is, my voluptuous, lusty frame can take what I've been given--New York constantly looks like she's about to pop and spray candy all over the place like a great pinata, or like she's going to fall over because her center of gravity is now somewhere in her clavicle. It's uncomfortable to look at, yet I cannot look away. Mainly because she's my hero. She's says what she thinks, and more importantly she says what everyone else is thinking. And she does it while rocking a weave that is as luxurious as it is flammable. She is equal parts sylph, savant, and skank.

But beyond the world of New York, what else has been going on? I've been baking cupcakes by the gross because I find it relaxing. I've been writing a lot, not much of it good though, and I've been thinking about the future. I'm at a place where I have a number of wonderful options to pursue, though the main obstacle is turning out to be a) a lack of focus and b) complete and utter laziness. I'm beyond blessed to have a mother who is discouraging me from looking for work just because I feel like I have to and is instead beseeching me to try to carve my own way and bravely take on the unknown, at least making the attempt before I decide to rejoin the world of firms and 401k's and what not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working for a firm. But I'm never again going to make the mistake of taking a job for the wrong reasons. I'm proud to say that I've realized money, for me, right now, counts as a "wrong reason".

It could be that I'm living in a delusional state of bliss right now because I'm in the process of directing a show--an experience that leaves me high every time I think about it, even more so when I'm working with my colleagues. My fellow writers are brilliant, kind people who inspire me to do my best and who make me laugh every time I see them. The actors I'm working with are incredible to the point of making me feel humble with gratitude. I walk away from rehearsals having laughed so hard that I can't breathe and my weak, sad abs throb with pain.

The idea that I'm working with nine intelligent, funny, capable people who were all complete strangers to me only a few months ago is very odd--the fact that I look forward to seeing all of them weekly is a total blessing. It makes me wonder what it's going to feel like when the show is over. I'm glad I'm already thinking about the next show--I'm not sure I could live without theatre now that I've gone through this experience.

So, if anyone's paying attention, that singular person might realize that I haven't really talked about what my mind has been racing about except to touch on points briefly. But I'm censoring myself slightly so as not to bore you to death, and to avoid prolonging the mental blitz I inflict on myself every time I sit down for 10 minutes or more. Whatever inertia my body feels, my brain makes up for by competing in triathlons. So, my brains going to sit the rest of the night out and just fade out with a manicure...or maybe baking a quiche. Let's see if the milk's still good.