Odalisque-esque

There is something languorous about this painting, something that reminds me of myself early on January 1st after my evening foray into what my mom and I call our "annual New Year's gorge" which consists of chips and dip, brie and bread, and now, buffalo wings and bleu cheese dressing. After eating so much I developed a stitch in my stomach, I went from one end of the Metro system to the other (MD to Virginia cutting across DC at its broadest point) to usher in the New Year with some friends at a bar.

We acted like old people ("why can't they turn that music down? I can't hear myself think!" "Where's our waiter with that water? This is too spicy!") and talked about third-wave feminism and brought the New Year in with cretinous hats and plastic leis. In short, it was a pretty good time.

I relate that only because I feel obligated to talk about my New Year's Eve. What I really want to talk about is one of my main New Year's Resolutions. Oh sure, I've got the usual "get in shape", "get my finances straightened out" and "stop watching VH1" in my list, but the rez I'm most looking forward to is:

Develop an affectation.

I feel like it's about time. I mean, I'm going to find a new nose stud because my old one, which was supposedly pure gold, was apparently made out of something flimsy and gross so there's that...but I don't consider my nose piercing an affectation because I've had it for so long and it's meaningful to me. There's also the fact that my optometrist told me that I need to wear my glasses more frequently during the day because I've been getting eye strain that's been making my eyesight worse--but I would hardly consider myopia an affectation (plus I hate my glasses so that's an issue).

"Brevity, Soul, Wit" (formerly "I am a Force of Nature!") suggested the old standby of a British accent, but we both agreed it's a bit too predictable. In Spinal Tap, Tap's road manager had that cricket bat, but my being Indian, it might be a little too fobby. So, this might take a while for me to figure out. Maybe I could buy a pocketwatch with a chain attachment? Or maybe I could draw a mole on my face. Or develop a limp. I'm not sure. But I do know that this year would be so much more promising if I could figure out just one little affectation--something innocuous, yet memorable, and preferably, not too humiliating.